I am Leading a Double Life

It never ceases to amaze me how little civilian people tend to relate to my military experience as a spouse. I have witnessed the most offhanded comments, which I now attribute to lack of knowledge or someone just really not knowing what to say. I have been married to the army for seven years. Out of those seven years, that little mistress has taken my husband away from me for about four years. During those times when he is gone I have gone through a range of emotions. Sadness, confusion, pride, loneliness, bitterness........But, recently I have found myself missing the single life. Not the single life of not being married, but the single life of being married while being single. Does that make sense?

Don't get me wrong, I love when my husband is at home, away from the dangerous confines of war and working 18 hours a day. But I do miss my single time. You know those times when I can just pig out on Baskin Robbins and leave the container by the recliner cuz I feel like it. Or not having to cook a well-balanced meal Sunday through Thursday cuz my soldier is coming home hungry after a long day's work or he is just hungry period! Or feeding my anxiety and loneliness by giving Ross or Target an extra $50 that I know I should tuck away for something more important, but I'm an Army wife so I can do whatever I want while my husband is fighting for our freedom and I am feeling crappy at home alone. Or leaving the bed unmade cuz I wanna crash on it when I feel like it and will mess it back up anyway. Or not doing laundry and letting 4 loads build on top of one another cuz I don't have ACU's to wash so I really don't care at that point. Or having all the televisions to myself with the DVR's set to Property Virgins, The View, Ellen, Chelsea Lately, Oprah and all the other shows my hubby doesn't care to watch.

Sounds like I'm lazy now that I have reread it but that's hardly the case, believe me. I guess its a way of dealing with my emotions, those emotions that most women won't ever get to experience on the same level as I have. Whatever the case, I do miss it. Selfish? Maybe. I dunno. What do you think?

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  1. I completely understand. Completely. I don't remember the last time I had a meal of ben and jerrys but I think I'm due.

  2. hmm i feel like youd be my bff during a deployment because thats what i do. some wives go out and party and drink a lot... i sit on my couch and become addicted to reality tv. and shopping.
    but i agree about the offhanded comments being because they dont have the information. though i dare some one to test me by saying "well you knew this would happen when you married him" i didnt talk to my BEST friend for 3 months for that comment. true story.

  3. @Allison go get u some Ben and Jerry's girl just for the heck of it lol

    @Krista ooooh the dreaded "you knew this would happen when u married him" comment....thats a stinger.

  4. It is definitely one of those things you have to live to understand.

    And it is hard to describe to anyone else--being on edge but also getting into the zone of okay, this is what I gotta do, so I'm gonna do it.

  5. I am with you. I have two similar posts about the "single" life we lead. Nope, not the going out partying all night life, its more the... I might shower today kind of life.

    And those comments some people feel they need to say out loud... well those people aren't my friends so to speak :)


  6. I LOVE alone time, too!

    Back in the day, I used to dream/joke that I should PRETEND to be married, find a boyfriend, and tell him I'll call him when hubby's out of town...

    ...in my "dream world" I am REALLY single, and call him and say hubbys out of town only when I get bored or need a hug...

    Kind of like how teens think you can have a baby, love em up, then throw them in the dresser drawer until the next time they feel Maternal or Paternal.

    Ok, a bit of an exaggeration, but...

  7. I don't think it sounds lazy at all! I think Army Wives have it so tough, I can't imagine the stress you live with and how difficult it must be to live one life when you husband is home and another when he is away for so long. Even though I'm not an Army Wife and can't relate remotely to your situation, I do understand wanting to just be yourself, by yourself. I say if it makes you feel better to do or not do all of those things, than whatever you do don't feel guilty about it.

  8. I agree with Krista and what Carolee said. I love my alone time and just sitting and watching tv and surfing the net. As much as I am thrilled when hubby comes home...I too have found I started to miss my alone time!

  9. Guess what! I have an award for you. Now, this is one I made on my own, inspired by the blogs I love to read. You can pick your award up at my other blog: http://www.thecurlyblogger.com/2010/03/one-addicting-blog-award.html

    Enjoy Mother-Blogger!

  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

  11. awwwwwwwwwwww thnks so much amanda....u r very talented too! i will post ot tomorrow...thanks again!!!

  12. Hi Stephanie, Thanks for stopping by my blog this morning. Through that I discovered yours.

    My husband used to travel a lot for business - weeks and months at a time. I'm not likening it to your situation as a military wife, BUT I understand totally how, when the spouse is away, we become independent and change the way things get done on a day-to-day basis. Then they return and we have a huge adjustment to make because we have to go back to the 'married' way of doing things. I always found the first few days he was back to be tough.

  13. i totally get u PJ...those first few days are really tough...thanks for stopping by!!!!

  14. The first few years of my cousins marriage to her husband, a soldier (this was years before we went to war)...she would become upset whenever he would go TDY or be out in the field for a week or so. Eventually I said to her, "What the hell are you upset about? You now have one less person to feed, one less person whose laundry you must do, one less person whose shoes aren't where they are supposed to be. Go get your nails done, go get a massage...go and do anything with all this extra time you now have but you won't have once he's back." And you know what? She did just that. Now...years later...she's much better adapted to him being gone. Gone to war, gone to the field, gone on TDYs. She does her thing with her "free time." She's even graduating from nursing school soon. ;)

  15. How awesome! I am glad she found herself, so many people don't. What a shame. Thanks for the comments!

  16. I'm a "new" army wife, hubby still in AIT. I'm so glad to hear I'm not the only one who lets the laundry pile up while she watches reality t.v. and eats ben & jerry's for dinner! lol. It can get lonely at times, but it is nice to have some "single time".


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