I am Leading a Double Life

It never ceases to amaze me how little civilian people tend to relate to my military experience as a spouse. I have witnessed the most offhanded comments, which I now attribute to lack of knowledge or someone just really not knowing what to say. I have been married to the army for seven years. Out of those seven years, that little mistress has taken my husband away from me for about four years. During those times when he is gone I have gone through a range of emotions. Sadness, confusion, pride, loneliness, bitterness........But, recently I have found myself missing the single life. Not the single life of not being married, but the single life of being married while being single. Does that make sense?

Don't get me wrong, I love when my husband is at home, away from the dangerous confines of war and working 18 hours a day. But I do miss my single time. You know those times when I can just pig out on Baskin Robbins and leave the container by the recliner cuz I feel like it. Or not having to cook a well-balanced meal Sunday through Thursday cuz my soldier is coming home hungry after a long day's work or he is just hungry period! Or feeding my anxiety and loneliness by giving Ross or Target an extra $50 that I know I should tuck away for something more important, but I'm an Army wife so I can do whatever I want while my husband is fighting for our freedom and I am feeling crappy at home alone. Or leaving the bed unmade cuz I wanna crash on it when I feel like it and will mess it back up anyway. Or not doing laundry and letting 4 loads build on top of one another cuz I don't have ACU's to wash so I really don't care at that point. Or having all the televisions to myself with the DVR's set to Property Virgins, The View, Ellen, Chelsea Lately, Oprah and all the other shows my hubby doesn't care to watch.

Sounds like I'm lazy now that I have reread it but that's hardly the case, believe me. I guess its a way of dealing with my emotions, those emotions that most women won't ever get to experience on the same level as I have. Whatever the case, I do miss it. Selfish? Maybe. I dunno. What do you think?


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Nothing Can Be Salvaged. I am Doomed!

We've all been there. Myself more than once...more than a few times actually. In a few short minutes everything can literally be destroyed. What you worked so hard to get is now gone! It's useless. Nothing you can do, in most cases, can ever bring it back. You stand there in utter disbelief wondering how you could have let this happen, holding the remnants of what once was in your hands. This time it was no fault of my own. It was his fault. Yep! My husband did it. He ruined the laundry!

He was just trying to help out. This isn't the first time he has ruined my mommy wardrobe though, so I should have known better than to entrust him with my minimal garments. Hey I don't have lots of clothes, especially to throw away!

The pic below shows a few pieces I care to share out of a large load of laundry. It's just too painful to take a picture of all at once. Yes it hurts that much hehe. Out of that load of laundry everything is speckled with green dots from a permanent marker left in one of the pockets of his ACU's. The entire load kind of looks like the leftovers you'd find in the street after a Mardi Gras Parade. The pic does not do it justice though. Since I posted it you can barely see the green stains, but trust me they're there. They're EVERYWHERE!

So, lesson learned here. Check the pockets of everyone's clothing thoroughly, even before my husband does the laundry! Or be prepared to get rid of most of your wardrobe.

If anyone knows of a way the clothes can be salvaged please let me know. I'm not sure Clorox can fix this one.

How Many REAL Friends Do You Have?

As I was talking with someone earlier today that I considered a friend, I realized that I may be using the term "friend" to loosely. Would this person come running if I needed help at home? Would she offer to help me out in any way? If I were in a crisis could I count on her to be there? Could I trust her with my deepest thoughts and feelings? Probably not. We can LOL all day long, hang out occasionally, blah blah blah, but at the end of the day could I count on her for anything else? Nope!

So, what exactly is a friend? When I pondered this question over and over in my mind I realized that "she" is not a friend, but merely an associate. She is someone I laugh with, occasionally hang out with, share family stories with, but just an associate. Is that harsh to say? Or is it just being honest? I think that a lot of times we call people our friends who are not really our friends. We use the term "friend" without having a second thought about what we are truly saying. We even introduce people as our "friend(s) that are just people we are associated with. Would it be rude to introduce someone as your associate? Hmmm. Or is it just politically correct to say "Hey this is my friend!"? I think that's what most of us have grown accustomed to.

As I thought more about this I realized that I only have 3 REAL friends. Yea I talk to lots of people almost everyday, my contact list in my cell is at an all time high. They all have different traits and characteristics, and I may be able to tell one something that I wouldn't tell the other. Yet, they are just associates.

Out of my 3 REAL friends I realize that I can share the same things with each of them. I have no fear of judgement, no reason to believe my thoughts and feelings are being shared with others without my knowledge, no bearing witness to snarky sarcastic remarks (that I have been doing oh so well at ignoring what I have dubbed "foolishness")....I have been biting my tongue extremely well being that I am an outspoken person. With my REAL friends though, I don't have to bite my tongue. There is no reason to. I can just be me, and fully me. What are your thoughts? Do you use the term "friend" too loosely? How many REAL friends do you have?

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Teething...Not Cool!

Teething Ring...check

Orajel...check

Tylenol/Motrin...check

Cool cloth...check

Sanity...ugh..what's that?

I have to admit this teething thing is NOT COOL AT ALL! The lack of sleep coupled with night weaning has added some beautiful bags under my eyes. I am starting to get that raccoon look. Nice. Pretty soon I will be running into walls and mumbling strange things to myself if I don't get some rest.

My oldest daughter got her first teeth at 6 months of age. No problems. I didn't even know she had them until the babysitter called me at work to tell me. This time around is a different story! My poor child is nibbling on any and everything she can get her little swollen gums on. Even me! I feel so bad for her being that there is not much more that I can do.

She will be nine months old soon! Let's hope that those pearly whites hurry and pop through. For my sake and hers!

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My House...The Battlefield

Help! This green-eyed monster called sibling rivalry has invaded my 4 year old and made my 8

month old her target! She takes away her toys, blocks her path when she is crawling, and makes faces at her. She is constantly terrorizing her, for lack of a better word, but maybe terrorizing is fitting in this situation. I swear that by the end of this week I will only have 3 strands of hair left on my head! I have heard of children being jealous of one another, but this is BAD. I am trying some different techniques to diffuse the situation. I will let you all know how it goes. Until then, keep your fingers crossed!

Military Wives and Depression

I started thinking about this topic earlier this week after speaking with a few military wives. I have been a military spouse for over 7 years. I have seen tons of soldiers, mostly those that have been deployed to a war zone, be diagnosed with

sleep disorders, anxiety, depression, PTSD, and other mental health conditions. I am sure this number will likely continue to increase being that we are fighting multiple wars. I know that the Army, and I'm sure other branches of the military, have started to take notice and have implemented programs and services for soldiers to get counseling and deal with their issues. But where does this leave the spouses?

I have met lots of military spouses, even through forums on websites created to establish a network of moms/wives and girlfriends/fiances in the military community. I have noticed that lots of them have to take meds while coping with a deployment, or multiple deployments, or some other issues that have come to a head in their lives via the military. Yes, we all have issues in our marriages, some big some small. But if you are a civilian and have never lived the military life, trust me, you have no idea. Out of the seven years of my marriage my husband has been gone for about 4 years! Although, I have not had to take meds to deal with his abscence during those times, I can see how many people have to. Taking on ALL things "husbandy" for a year to 15 months in some cases, and suddenly turning into MIGHTY MOM can put a lot of stress on a person. Also, coupled with uprooting your family from one foreign place to another every 3 or so years, in my current case, overseas in Hawaii, with no family and having to make friends all over again is a big stressor. I know that there is sometimes a stigma associated with a soldier who seeks mental health treatment so I imagine that may be the case when the spouse seeks treatment.

I have decided to do some research on this subject for a future post to discover resources that are currently available for military spouses who are having to go through this difficult journey. If you know of some resources please feel free to share them with me, even anonymously if you choose. Also, if you are a military spouse going through this I would love to talk to you about your experience. Feel free to comment!

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My Trip(s) to Pearl Harbor

Pearl Harbor is the most visited attraction on the island of Oahu. Of the

many things to see and do here, this has been one of my faves. Anyone who knows me knows that I am a BIG history buff. I taught fifth grade history and luv luv loved it! So when we arrived here on the island this was on the top of my list of places to visit.

This is my husband and I with our oldest daughter in 2007 (before we even knew there would be a daughter #2). A lovely tourist took this snapshot, probably after feeling sorry for my husband and I taking turns with my Kodak cam.

One of my good friends came to visit last April and I took her there also. It brought her to tears.

This is my mom and sis with my daughter in January 2010. They enjoyed it! My whole fam loves history.

So yes, I have gone 3 times total, and honestly, it didn't get old. The fact that I am into culture and history played a role as well as being a military wife. Knowing that my husband has put his life on the line several times, recently returning home from Iraq after being injured, definitely put this place into perspective for me. This is a rare treasure, yet somber. Knowing that hundreds of men were entombed below me weighed heavily on my heart. Our soldiers put their lives on the line everyday for our freedom no matter where they are, and I was more than honored to pay my respects to those who lost their lives at Pearl Harbor. If you are ever able to come to Oahu, this is definitely a site to visit.

She Peeled a Banana and I Cried

A few days ago I was in bed and my 4 year old entered my room, earlier than usual I might add. She asked me if she could have breakfast and I told her that I would be up in a few minutes. After 5 or so minutes I got up and asked her what she wanted for breakfast. She told me that she had already eaten and she was full. I asked her what she ate and she told me that she had peeled a banana and had it for breakfast. My daughter has always had trouble peeling a banana as most children her age do, so this took me by surprise. I looked in the garbage can and there it was. The banana peel lay on top of all the other crap that was in there and I found myself tearing up. My little girl is growing up and she doesn't need me. Okay I know it is just a banana, but I am so used to doing mostly everything I was overcome with emotion at this developmental milestone. I never thought I would be affected this way when it came to a banana! Imagine what will happen when she learns to tie her shoes!

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To Pierce or not to Pierce

So my baby is 8 months old now. Time is really flying by! I have been contemplating getting her ears pierced and have yet to take the leap! I am wondering if I have waited to long to do it, since she is at the age where she may be pulling at her ears. How old were your children when they got pierced? What was your experience like?

Did you eat my baby sister?

My toddler has finally asked the dreaded "Where do babies come from?" question, although not quite in those words. She asked "Did you eat my baby sister?" "How did she get in your stomach?" Needless to say I was NOT prepared for it. Totally stumped! Anyway I was wondering if any of you have had to deal with your little one (or big one) popping this question on you. How did you react? What did you say? Maybe I can get some suggestions from you the next time this question comes up. I am sure it will!

And I broke out in hives....

Yes! You read it correctly. I broke out in hives. Okay I have never had an allergic reaction to anything besides washing dishes (A dishwasher is like oxygen to me. I have to have it). Anyway, I didn't feel like cooking dinner yesterday and decided to order a pizza from one of the most well known pizza establishments out there that I have decided not to name. About 5 minutes after eating a slice, my right hand started itchng like crazy. Then my right arm. Then my left arm. Okay now I am itching all over!!! Hives just broke out EVERYWHERE on my body. I swear I would rather be in pain, rather than go through that again. There is nothing like itching with no relief! My throat starting closing up and I could hardly breathe. It felt like some had their foot on my chest. My hubs and I grabbed the kids and rushed to the ER. I was bombarded with the usual questions in this situation...have u changed detergents lately, worn anything new (I wish!), switched body wash blah blah blah. Of course the only thing they could attribute it to was that maybe the pizza franchise decided to add something to their pizza sauce. I eat from there often with the same toppings all the time, so I dunno what was up. They gave me an IV of benadryl, zantac (i dunno if thats spelled correctly but hey) and some steroids. After getting high and woozy off the benadryl I slept for a few hours and when the hives went away for the most part, they let me go home a little after midnight. WORSE experience of my life!! Needless to say I wont be chancing eating from this establishment anymore. I felt better, but then I broke out again this morning. Instant replay. I am taking my benadryl and steroids faithfully and hope to get over thing "thing" soon. I don't know of any allergy, especially food allergy that I may have so this threw me for a loop. Anywho, just wanted to share that with ya, and I hope I am better soon. Sorry about the funky pic I am too lazy to find another.

Facebook Games.....New Drug of Choice?

I know we've all been bombarded with drink requests, food fights, gift requests, etc via facebook. It seems like whenever I log on to the social networking site my sidebar is full of these. I'm not a big gamer, although I occasionally play a game here and there. It seems like a lot of my FB famalam are going overboard though. This means that my home page is littered with how many lonely bulls someone found on Farmville or the new stillettos someone received from a sorority sister. I'm not complaining, but hmmmm.... This got me thinking. Are some people addicted to these Facebook games? How often do you play games on facebook? Is it affecting your time management? Do you think you could have an addiction?

Mom versus Supermom

Okay. We've all had those days when the kids are trying out for cirque de soleil, you have to create a pathway just to walk through your living room without being beheaded from tripping over your kids' toys, you have to cook dinner, you have to work, you have to clean, blah blah blah. And of course, you have to find time to blog hehe. But, you just want a breather. I have had a few of those days recently, but my husband was so kind enough as to let me "do me!" I got a pedicure, did some shopping FOR ME woo hooo, and just relaxed. It was well worth it. I must admit I felt kinda strange walking in the store without kids. I kept looking around thinking that I forgot a child lol. So...take off your supermommy hat and find some time for you. When was the last time you had time to yourself?

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That Box Thingy in My Kitchen

As a mom I am sure you can relate to the constant barrage of toys and many other things I don't care to name invading your home space. Before I was married it seemed like everything could stay immaculately clean. Okay, maybe I am exaggerating juuuuust a little. My house wasn't immaculate, but I had a nice, clean, comfortable living space. After having children, of course we accumulated the never ending amount of of kiddie toys, pacifiers, etc etc etc. Now it seems like I am always cleaning something. I started this post while thinking about when I'm going to clean out my fridge. I totally went off topic, but now I'm back from lala land. The fridge is one area of someone's home that you rarely get to see when you visit them. And for good reason. It's none of your business what's in it unless they allow you to go in it. Well, it is about that time for me to clean out my fridge and I was just wondering how often do other people clean theirs. I clean my fridge every few months. It's not all sparkling and shiny, but someone woudln't be afraid to eat from my house if they saw it either. I have shelves that I always use for certain items, and the occasional spill from a clumsy husband or child (I never spill anything wink wink) is gently wiped away soon enough to not leave that sticky residue behind. I have seen some fridges that have not been cleaned in a very long time. I admit that I would never let mine get so bad that unidentified species have invaded it and moved in relatives from 3 generations, nor do I have to wear a facemask, but I do what I can. So...the question is... How often do you clean your fridge??? Be honest!!

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Gimme my boobs back! ~Night-Weaning~

I am literally writing this at 1230 AM while my little one is attached to me like metal to a magnet. Sometimes I'm like "Why oh why did I start this whole breastfeeding thingy?". Yea, I know the whole 'breastmilk is the best milk' slogan blah blah blah, but I almost feel like I set myself up for being sucked dry to the bone. I have turned my child into the Little Monster that Could not Wean. Honestly, night weaning SUCKS! At 8 months old I am ready to give it all up. I am tired! My baby isn't having it though. Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed the bond I created with my little one and knowing the benefits of breasfeeding. Heck, some people couldn't do it for this long. But, my time is up! Just when I am all comfy and nestled under the sheets, that all too familiar scratch and sniffer wakes me up. Do you remember those scratch and sniff stickers? That's what I feel like. Only we didn't suck on them. Okay, I'm digressing. Anywho, what's a mom to do at 3am when her baby is crying for a boobie snack? It is so much easier to give in rather than listen to the crying of a tired baby, especially when she's not really hungry. She just wants comfort and is used to waking up and eating. So I am curious. How did you wean your baby from breastfeeding, especially at night? Any and all suggestions are welcome!

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